It is pretty normal to want to keep your friends and family in the know of what is going on with your relationship and your significant other. However, there is a fine line between being open with your loved ones and not disrespecting your partner and the relationship.
There are certainly some things that should only remain between you and your partner and those that can be shared with others with your partner’s consent.
*Please note that this does not include a partner’s abusive or violent behavior, which you should absolutely disclose to a trusted friend, relative or the relevant authorities.
With that said, oversharing is discouraged by relationship experts because:
You could be breaking your partner’s trust– “What you may think is a cute or funny story about your partner’s life could be very embarrassing for them if you share it with others,” said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in Rockville, Maryland.
It could make your friends biased against your partner– “When the conflict is resolved and you’re wanting your people to support your relationship, you could find that they’re still angry and biased against them,” said Ryan Howes, a psychologist in Pasadena, California.
Your family and friends might get sick of hearing about it – “If you overshare constantly, your friends and family may become irritated,” Rodman said. “They may be feigning interest when, in reality, you are dominating the conversation with details that nobody needs or wants to know.”
Details Your Friends Don’t Need To Know- Telling your friends about your sex life, issues or problems in your bedroom matters is definitely not something your partner will appreciate.
Here are things that you probably shouldn’t be sharing with other people about your relationship:
Details about your sex life
It goes without saying, whatever happens behind bedroom doors should remain between you and your partner. “Without consent, discussing the specifics of your sex life should be a no-no. This information is so personal and potentially loaded with shame that it’s best kept between you, your partner and potentially a therapist.” Howes said.
Your partner’s financial information
You don’t really have to tell your friends about your partner’s confidential financial info like their salary, loans or investments. Howes said, “With consent from your partner, you may be able to speak in generalities like ‘We’re having financial trouble’ as opposed to dollar-amount specifics.”
If your partner loses his/her job, the same principle still applies. “Your partner should control who they feel should hear that information,” Robert said.
Your partner’s physical or mental health
While your partner’s health struggles are nothing you should be ashamed about, they are not your portion to share with others. “This is private information and unless your partner is open about these things, you owe it to them to keep these things confidential,” Rodman said.
Some relationship issues or infidelities can be a gray area
Robert said, “These instances should be carefully discussed with only those you trust most. Seeking professional advice or help is often key to coming out the other side.”
Your partner’s history of abuse or trauma
Revealing info of such a sensitive subject could be a violation of your partner’s trust. “Your partner’s trauma stories are not yours to share. This can be difficult because those trauma stories also have a burden on you. Perhaps they have a troubled past or childhood that weighs on you. Find a suitable person to discuss these details with, such as a therapist or coach.” Robert said.